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Season 0 (1988 - 1989)
| K00 - THE GREEN SLIME
K01 - INVADERS FROM THE DEEP K02 - REVENGE OF THE MYSTERONS K03 - STAR FORCE: FUGITIVE ALIEN II K04 - GAMERA VS. BARUGON K05 - GAMERA K06 - GAMERA VS. GAOS K07 - GAMERA VS. ZIGRA K08 - GAMERA VS. GUIRON K09 - PHASE IV K10 - COSMIC PRINCESS K11 - HUMANOID WOMAN K12 - FUGITIVE ALIEN K13 - SST: DEATH FLIGHT K14 - MIGHTY JACK K15 - SUPERDOME K16 - CITY ON FIRE K17 - TIME OF THE APES K18 - THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MURU K19 - HANGAR 18 K20 - THE LAST CHASE K21 - LEGEND OF THE DINOSAUR |
K00 - THE GREEN SLIME (Pilot) No fan copy is known to exist. |
| K01 -
INVADERS FROM THE DEEP First shown: 11/24/88 No fan copy is known to exist. |
| K02 -
REVENGE OF THE MYSTERONS First shown: 11/24/88 No fan copy is known to exist. |
| K03 -
STAR FORCE: FUGITIVE ALIEN 2 First shown: 11/27/88 No fan copy is known to exist. |
| K04
- GAMERA VS. BARUGON First shown: 12/4/88 Opening: Joel introduces the movie and plays a message from a happy caller. Host segment 1: J&TB listen to messages from two more viewers. The first caller is angry about the "constant interruptions" (i.e, the riffing), but the second caller wants "More! More! More!" This segment appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape. Host segment 2: Gypsy gets upset when a caller asks for "less movie, more chapstick" (presumably, he meant to say "slapstick"). The crew promises to use more chapstick in the future, and Joel offers Gypsy a choice between regular and wintergreen. Host segment 3: Crow explains the best ways to keep various body orifices clean and healthy. "Never put anything in your ear larger than a pirate!" End: Servo and Crow make prank phone calls to Domino's Pizza and Dan Quayle. Crow explains several uses for doggie-doo, and Joel invites viewers to call in with their comments. |
| K05
- GAMERA First shown: 12/11/88 Opening: It's Christmas time on the Satellite of Love. Crow volunteers to be cryogenically frozen and turned into a Christmas tree. Host segment 1: Joel ponders using Servo as a snowman lawn-ornament next Christmas. A caller demands to know who does Joel's hair, and Joel invites the caller to watch the end credits. Host segment 2: A caller asks Joel why he doesn't hire Godzilla to appear on the show. Gypsy agrees to impersonate Godzilla, after some coaxing from Joel. Viewers are invited to participate in a Ted Turner phone survey. Host segment 3: Joel and Servo listen to more fan messages. One caller expresses his fondness for "giant turtles who breathe fire and sh*t".J&TB debate whether the film's fight scenes look fake or not. End: Joel thanks everyone for calling in, and re-runs the footage of Crow getting frozen. Gypsy thinks Crow "isn't really beautiful", but sings a holiday song with Joel anyway. Special Note: In this episode, Joel watched the movie by himself. |
| K06
- GAMERA VS. GAOS First shown: 12/18/88 Opening: Crow is still frozen (see previous show). A caller complains about the Gamera movies; Joel apologises but says there's nothing he can do. He shows a picture of the Mads, and explains that they choose the movies. Host segment 1: Servo hits puberty and develops a new "DYNAMIC MIGHTY VOICE!" (Portions of this skit appear on the MST3K Scrapbook tape). Host segment 2: Gypsy wants a new voice too, but Joel thinks she sounds like Kim Carnes and is therefore sexy. A caller asks Joel to unfreeze Crow, and Gypsy eats the shiny spagetti (tinsel) that Joel decorated with. Host segment 3: A young viewer invitesJ&TB to his birthday party. They can't make it, so Servo sends special birthday wishes. He goes off on a tangent. And keeps going. And going. End: With his new MIGHTY VOICE, Servo talks about the upcoming New Year's edition of MST3K. Crow's still frozen as the episode ends. |
| K07
- GAMERA VS. ZIGRA First shown: 12/31/88 (New Year's Eve) Opening: Joel and Servo unfreeze Crow, and Servo greets him with his NEW DYNAMIC MIGHTY VOICE! (See previous show.) Crow isn't pleased at having been frozen. Host segment 1: J&TB receive their first transmission from the Mads. "Is it true what they say about space?" they sneer; "No one can hear you laugh?" They invite Joel back to Earth for an underwater experiment, but Joel politely declines. (This scene is included on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.) Host segment 2: Joel is depressed, despite the fact that Gypsy loves him. Cambot plays some messages from callers to cheer him up, and they do, a little. Gypsy is surprised that many of the calls are about her. The last call goes too far, however. Host segment 3: J&TB make their New Year's resolutions. Crow: "I just want world peace, and my own apartment." They count down the last ten seconds of 1988 before movie sign intervenes. End: J&TB review the movie. Servo: "I laughed. I cried. I cried a LOT." Joel talks about next week's film, "Gamera Vs. Guiron." |
| K08
- GAMERA VS. GUIRON First shown: 1/8/89 Opening: The Mads are out of bad movies, and must choose between sending the Satellite of Love "Star Wars" or "Jaws." At the last minute, though, Dr. Erhardt finds another Gamera film. Crow: "With all my parts, I could've made an excellent vacuum-cleaner. Instead, it's the movies that suck!" Host segment 1: Crow gets conked in the head and dreams that he controls the experiment while the Mads are trapped in space! He sends them "A Planet of the Apes Christmas" again and again and again... Host segment 2: Crow tells Joel and Servo about his dream from the previous host segment. Servo and Crow discuss other dreams they've had, with Servo's being particularly vivid. Host segment 3: Joel tells the Bots about his dreams. "Sometimes I dream I'm a crane operator. Other times I'm standing in line for Metallica tickets..." End: J&TB perform a song about the Satellite of Love. Gypsy really gets into it, and Joel promises that there won't be any more Gamera films. Special Note: This episode features the first appearance of the Mads. |
| K09
- PHASE IV First shown: 1/15/89 Opening: Lacking the $30,000 they need to continue experimenting on Joel, the Mads sell his car to raise some short-term cash. Joel reveals that he had $30,000 hidden inside it. The Mads, furious, retaliate by sending him "the ANT movie!" Host segment 1: Joel instructs Servo and Crow on Isaac Asimov's robotic laws. The Bots don't like them, and make up some laws of their own. Servo: "Never hollow out a robot and make a fort out of him." Host segment 2: J&TB discuss the first thing they plan to do when they get to Earth. (Crow: "I'm going to kill Sandy Frank." Servo: "Well, that's a given.") Joel wants to turn off his water, which he accidentally left running. Host segment 3: The crew of the SoL enjoy a game of "I Spy," which quickly and inexplicably degenerates into a performance of "Wipeout." Since he's the only one with working arms, Joel takes the drum solo. Mercifully, movie sign intervenes. End: Joel programs Crow and Gypsy to recite a new robotic law. It takes a *really* long time to say, and the credits roll long before they're done. |
| K10
- COSMIC PRINCESS First shown: 1/22/89 Opening: It's Superbowl Sunday! The Mads show off their "no-d" glasses, which are 3-d glasses with one lens removed. Dr. Erhardt: "Look, I can only see length!" Host segment 1: Crow's barbershop is open for business, and Joel is the first customer. They discuss "that black Carson, Arsenio Hall" and other hot topics of the day. [This segment was later re-shot in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES.] Host segment 2: In order to disprove the theory of evolution, Servo teaches himself to fly. He literally loses his head. Host segment 3: The Bots help Joel with his taxes. It goes pretty well until Crow and Servo discover they're being claimed as "business expenses." Crow: "Maybe we should be wearing ties and demanding maintenance contracts!" End: The crew of the SoL play a game of football, and Gypsy and Joel duet on "We Are the Champions." The whole thing degenerates into a tickle fight as the credits roll. A portion of this scene was included on the MST3K Scrapbook tape. |
| K11
- HUMANOID WOMEN First shown: 1/29/89 Opening: The Mads are shocked to learn that last week's ratings were the highest ever, a discovery that makes them furious. Dr. F: "What do you expect? We're mad scientists!" Host segment 1: J&TB enjoy a game of tag, which continues all the way into the theater. (This segment was later re-shot in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES.) Host segment 2: Servo falls in love with Joel's new blender, but the courtship turns sour when Joel drinks from Servo's girl. Undeterred, Servo flirts with the coffeemaker. (This segment was later recycled, almost word-for-word, in episode 103- MAD MONSTER.) Host segment 3: In a tribute to Salvador Dali, J&TB practice surrealism. (A similar sketch re-appeared in episode 107- ROBOT MONSTER.) End: Servo and Joel discuss the Village People. Servo: "I read one of those 'Where are they now?' articles. Turns out one of them's a contruction worker, one of them's a police officer..." The crew ends the show with a "Dating Game"-style goodbye kiss. |
| K12
- FUGITIVE ALIEN First shown: 2/5/89 Opening: Dr. Forrester is attending a Mad Scientists' Convention in Las Vegas, leaving Erhardt in charge of the experiment. On the SoL, Joel sings the "Fugitive Alien" theme song, in honor of today's movie. Servo is less than impressed by Joel's singing. Host segment 1: Crow is missing, and Joel discovers that Servo and Gypsy have disassembelled him. Joel is not pleased, and asks them to put Crow back together. Gypsy: "I just hope we can find his spine!" Host segment 2: Ever notice how you never see certain celebrities in the same room together, like Michael Jackson and Diana Ross? Could they be the same person? Joel and Servo debate the issue. Host segment 3: Joel hosts a robot dance competition as Gypsy and Servo boogie down to "YMCA." Servo: "I can't stop the music! I got it in me, Joel!" Servo later pronounces this host segment "the stupidest thing we've ever done." End: Joel announces the formation of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan club. Servo thanks everyone for all the nice "cards and leathers" [sic] they've sent it. |
| K13
- SST DEATH FLIGHT First shown: 2/19/89 Opening: Dr. Forrester is back from Vegas, and he's brought lots of strange presents for Dr. Erhardt, including this week's movie. For no particular reason, Joel performs a spit-take. [Some similar material was used in a segment in episode 105- THE CORPSE VANISHES]. Host segment 1: Joel tries to disprove the theory that robots can't feel physical pain by administering electrical shocks to Servo. (Servo: "You can fill my head with gummi bears, but I won't talk!") Host segment 2: Gypsy has a cold, which makes her voice sexy and seductive. She does a Marilyn Monroe impression for a very puzzled Joel. Host segment 3: It's limbo-mania on the Satellite of Love! Joel, Crow and Gypsy participate while Servo sings "The Banana Boat Song." End: Servo and Crow read fan mail from "the babes." Servo invites viewers to write in with their favorite pizza toppings, much to Joel's chagrin. Special Note: This is the first episode in which Joel and the Bots read letters from viewers. |
| K14
- MIGHTY JACK First shown: 3/5/89 Opening: Forrester and Erhardt try to figure out if they're really mad scientists, or just angry. Host segment 1: As a practical joke, Servo, Crow and Gypsy weld themselves together. Joel isn't amused. The Bots dash off-screen, put on women's clothing, then return. (Joel: "I feel like Benny Hill.") Host segment 2: The Bots discuss the concept of humor, and wonder if murdering Joel would be funny. Host segment 3: After the Bots refuse to play any games with him, Joel gets depressed. (Joel: "Next time, no free will.") Joel pouts until movie sign rolls around. End: Crow reads a fan letter praising Servo, after which Joel reads an anti-Servo letter. Servo reads a fan letter from "Amy, the MAGNIFICENT PAGAN SHE-BEAST," and gets very, very excited as he does so. |
| K15
- SUPERDOME First shown: 3/12/89 Opening: Servo talks the Mads into bringing the crew of the SoL back down to Earth; naturally, Crow ruins everything. Host segment 1: A repeat of host segment 1, from episode K13- SST DEATH FLIGHT, in which Joel helps Servo experience pain. Host segment 2: Joel turns into a tyrant, and rules the ship with an iron fist. The Bots retaliate by quoting lots of old movies. Crow and Gypsy re-enact the ending of "Casablanca," though Gypsy has no idea where Paris is. Host segment 3: A tender montage of Servo's favorite moments aboard the SoL, as Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" plays underneath. End: With Tom in Sick Bay, Joel and Crow check out some artwork they got from a viewer. |
| K16
- CITY ON FIRE First shown: 3/19/89 Opening: The Mads get a letter informing them that their grant money has been terminated, because they no longer qualify as mad scientists... merely "mildly peeved researchers." Host segment 1: Servo and Crow trick Joel into looking into a phony telescope, which leaves him with a black eye. (This segment appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.) Host segment 2: Joel invents a new anti-theft device for purses, called "Hell in a Hand Bag." Joel demonstrates it on Crow, much to Servo's delight. [The "Hell in a Handbag" invention would later be re-used in episode 103- MAD MONSTER.] Host segment 3: J&TB perform a military-style song, which seems to have little purpose other than reminding the Bots how great Joel is. [A portion of this segment appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape, and also appeared in the Comedy Central special "This is MST 3K."] End: Gypsy informs Joel and Crow that she's spent the entire day designing newsletters. Joel displays Gypsy's creations: the Satellite News, the Fan Club Certificate (suitable for framing) and the Fan Club Membership Card. Joel points out that they are available by writing to the MST3K Fan Club. |
| K17
- TIME OF THE APES First shown: 4/2/89 Opening: The Mads can't reach Joel... all their transmissions are intercepted by Servo and Crow. So where's Joel? Host segment 1: Crow, Gypsy and Servo search for Joel, but find only his uniform. Does that mean he's floating naked out in space? Sadly, yes. Servo: "Quick! Get the telescope!" Host segment 2: Realizing that Joel is locked out of the ship, Crow and Servo debate whether they should let him back in. They discuss several new privilages they'd like to receive as a reward for doing so, but movie sign intervenes before they actually bother to open the pod bay doors. Host segment 3: Cambot fools Crow into thinking that Joel is back on the ship, but it's just a joke. Things then get pretty surreal, as Servo demonstrates various ways that fantasy can be made to look real. End: Joel floats naked outside the Satellite of Love, as Crow and Servo discuss their new Joel-less life together. Special Note: Joel does not appear in this episode so Crow and Servo watch the movie by themselves. |
| K18
- THE MILLION EYES OF SU-MARU First shown: 5/7/89 Opening: Joel, who was trapped outside by the Bots in episode 17, gets back inside the ship with some help from the Mads. Joel is a little upset, and the Bots apologize, sort of. Host segment 1: Joel disciplines the Bots for locking him out of the ship. Servo and Crow retaliate by locking up Gypsy. Host segment 2: J&TB host a game show, though their fact-checking skills appear to be weak. ("Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?" "The Blue Ridge Mountains!") Host segment 3: MST3K Unplugged! J&TB perform an acoustic version of the show's theme song. End: Servo's mouth is broken, so Joel moves it for him when he needs to talk. The fan club address is read, and Joel announces that nearly 900 people have signed up so far. |
| K19
- HANGAR 18 First shown: 5/14/89 Opening: Joel introduces the film, and then it's movie sign! This is one the shortest host segments ever--right up there with "Waffles!". Host segment 1: A meteor shower is about to strike the Satellite of Love! Joel explains the tragic consequences if the hull is punctured and the ship loses its oxygen: "No more Kibbles n' Bots, and no mid-morning pleasure stimulations!" Crow tells him to lighten up. (This segment appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.) Host segment 2: Joel purges Crow's memory, dumping all non-essential rememberences. "Every PUNKY BREWSTER episode? Dump! The LYLE WAGNER PENILE IMPLANT SHOW? Dump!" Host segment 3: Joel taps into Crow's brain, and shows him his first memory--the moment when he was first turned on. In the bit, Joel explains that "CROW" is actually an acronym, which stands for "Cybernetic Remotely-Operated Woman." Crow, alarmed to discover that he's really female, begins to panic ("THIRTYSOMETHING is on! I need some chocolate!") until Joel reveals it's all a joke. (This skit appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.) End: Joel announces that there are nearly 1,000 members in the fan club now, and the 1,000th member will win "self satisfaction and a demon dog!" |
|
K20 - THE LAST CHASE |
| K21
- LEGEND OF THE DINOSAUR First shown: 5/28/89 Opening: Taking their cue from the "Paul McCartney is Dead" hoax of the late '60s, the Mads start a "Joel is Dead" rumor. They make a pretty decent case, quite honestly. Host segment 1: Joel demonstrates the way special effects can be used to make a person look really small. A little boy visits the Satellite of Love and shakes Joel like a rag doll. Host segment 2: J&TB put on a wacky sitcom, complete with laugh track, canned applause, and groaningly bad jokes. (This clip appears on the MST3K Scrapbook tape.) Host segment 3: To prepare the Bots for the film's upcoming dinosaur action scene, Joel shows off his model lizard, which breathes real fire. The Bots are underwhelmed. (The model would be re-used as an invention exchange in episode 103- MAD MONSTER.) End: Summer's coming up, and that means MST3K is going on hiatus! J&TB discuss what they plan to do until the show starts up again. Servo: "I'm gonna fill my head with cocoa butter and surf till I drop!" |
