Frank: (singing) If chauffeurs ruled the world
It's what I'd like to see
Cause everyone in the world
Would take a back seat to me.

I wouldn't have to drive
I wouldn't have to steer
Cause all the world would bow down before me
In total abject fear.

(spoken) All the gorgeous dames
Would worship at my feet
Why I could have anyone of them I want
Even Meryl Streep!

(singing) I'd have complete respect
Of everyone on the planet
Including intellectuals
Even David Mamet.

Tell me why do I have to take
Orders from this guy
I'd like to drop him in a bucket of boiling grease
And watch him slowly die.

Dr. F: (spoken) That's enough Frank!

Frank: (ignoring him, singing) If chauffeurs ruled the world...

Dr. F: (spoken) That's enough Frank! (drops fake car prop on Frank during next line)

Frank: (singing) It's what I'd...Aaaaarrrgggghhh...to see
(on knees) Cause everyone in the world
Would take a back seat to me. (as Al Jolson) Mammy!

[SOL]

Joel and the Bots: We think your song is FABULOUS!!!!!

[Deep 13]

Frank: (sobbing slightly, singing) If chauffeurs ruled the world
It's what I'd like to see
But I guess some other palooka will rule the world...
No...not me. (sobbing)

Dr. F: Push the button, Judy Garland. (he doesn't respond) Push the button, Frank.

Frank: (suddenly cheerful) You think the Ace Awards people are watching??

Dr. F: Oh, for cryin' out....(pushes button)