Tom:
Jimminy, Joel. I had no idea that Peter Graves was James Arness'uses
brother! Just think: for years James was the biggest cowboy star on TV,
while Peter eked out a meager living in cheap B movies, like this one.
Whooo!
Crow: (as Peter Graves) For me, Peter Graves, the 50s
were a time of self-loathing, resentment and bitter recrimination. We'll
explore those years tonight on A&E Biography.
Tom: Wow! Being in the same business must have been tough
for these two Graves brothers. I mean, the Arness siblings. I mean--wait
a minute. (deep voice) Something is wrong on Saturn Three!
Crow: Yeah, how can they be brothers if they don't even
have the same last name? Wow.
Joel: Okay, you guys. That happened quite often. I mean
it's pretty well known that a lot of famous family siblings from Hollywood
would take different names. Its kind of a Hollywood tradition.
Crow: Like who?
Joel: Well like Dear Abby and Ann Landers. There's Warren
Beatty and Shirley MacLaine.
Tom: I didn't know.
Joel: Liza Minelli and Lorna Luft and then Charlie Sheen
and Emilio Estevez, for example.
Crow: Hey! Let's not forget Rafferty and The Gold Dust
Twins, Freeby and The Bean and Chu Chu and The Philly Flash!
Tom: Huh?
Joel: Huh?!
Crow: Well, you know...
Joel: Actually, another interesting side note is that
a lot of famous Hollywood brothers and sisters went on to take the SAME
name. There's the Landers sisters...
Tom: Joel! Joel! Joel! Wait a minute The whole point
of this discussion was supposed to be celebrity siblings with different
last names. Now there's nothing inherently interesting about brothers
and sisters with the SAME last name, for crying out loud.
Joel: Well, uh, actually, the film is kind of short today
and we need to pad out the experiment.
Tom: (mock sincerity) Ohhh Say, Joel! Tell us more about
these celebrity siblings with the same last name!
Crow: Yeah!
Joel: I'm glad you asked, Mr. Tom Servo. Please cue up
the music, Cambot (music starts, Joel still speaking) And the band played
on.
Joel: (singing)
There's Jerry, Jerry Lee and Emmanuel Lewis If you don't like it, you
can sue us.
Crow: (singing) There's Susan, Morris and Doris Day.
(spoken) Hey! This is a fun game even robots can play!
Tom: (spoken) That's right. (singing as Tom Waits) Well,
you can name three, Aad I can name four Dudley, Dinty, Roger and Mary
Tyler Moore.
Joel: Betty and Barry White
Tom: (whispering) Tempo! Tempo!
Crow: (singing) Marv and Herb Albert are outta sight
Joel: (singing) Sonny Bono and Bono Bono are really fun
Tom: (singing) Julia and Eric Roberts, say (spoken, as
Eric Roberts from Pope of Greenwich Village) "Hey Charlie, he took
my thumbs!" (weeps)
Crow: (singing) Dame Edith and Linda Evans, either one's a vixen
Tom: (singing) And don't forget about Mojo and Richard
Nixon
Joel: (spoken) I told you guys that naming celebrity
siblings was gonna be a gas!
Crow: Yeah, Rafferty and The Gold Dust Twins Freeby and
The Bean And Chu Chu and The Philly FLAAAAAAASH!
Tom: He did it again, Joel! He ruined everything!
Crow: You know, with the thing and the...song and the
Joel: Crow! Why must you take everytyhing that is honest and
pure and sweet and wholesome and turn it into some vague Alan Arkin film
reference? Why? Why? Why??
Tom: (announcer voice) The Channel Nine Sunday Afternoon
Movie will be Back with "The Doberman Gang."
(all sing Channel 9 movie theme music)
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