Joel: I think it's kind of hot to be wearing these scarves in here.

Tom: Oh, yeah.

Crow: Well, scarves are a must. You can't go caroling without a scarf. Catch your death!

Joel: Man, you were like one of those kids I remember in high school that used to sell the most candybars for the marching band.

Tom: Yeah, and you'd be president of the Swing Choir, too.

Crow: Ha ha! Ah, thanks, Joel Robinson. Thanks, Tom Servo.

Tom: What a kiss-up, this guy.

Crow: Okay, now if you'll all look at your sheet music, uh, we can rehearse my new song.

Joel: You wrote a Christmas song?

Crow: Hey, there's no tradition like a new tradition! Ha ha ha!

Tom: (reads sheet music) Um, wait a minute. "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas?"

Crow: Oh, yeah, yeah. Based on my favorite movie, “Roadhouse.”

Tom: C'mon, what the heck does PATRICK SWAYZE have to do with CHRISTMAS?

Crow: Hey you keep Christmas in your way, and let me keep it in mine, ok?

Tom: Oh, jeeessz!

Joel: Hey, cmon, Tom Servo, it seems like a nice enough sentiment and we can give it a shot. C'mon.

Crow: All right. Okay. Okay. Uh, 12/8 time, uh, key of A-flat major!

Tom: Oh, good!

Crow: Uh, cambot, shoot 'em the tune. Uh, okay, you'll just have to stay with me, everybody, okay? Your part's written out. Let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, by Crow T. Robot.

Joel: (reading music sheet, as David Letterman) "Paul, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"?

Crow: Right. Hit it, Cambot!

Tom: Oh! Oh, I start. I get it. Hmm.

Crow: I'm sorry.

Tom: Pick it up. (singing) Open up your heart and let the Patrick Swayze Christmas in.

Crow: We'll gather at the Roadhouse with our next of kin.

Joel: And Santa can be our regular Saturday night thing.

Bots: We'll decorate a barstool and gather round and sing.

Tom: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas this year!

Crow: Or we'll tear your throat out and kick you in the ear!

Joel: (interrupting) Hold it, hold it a sec. Cambot, stop the music. Uh, Crow, I don't know if I think this is an appropriate
sentiment anymore for Christmas.

Crow: Hey, what? Like a good action sequence don't belong in Christmas?

Joel: Well, no, it's just that I've never heard of an action sequence in a Christmas carol before.

Tom: Yeah!

Crow: Well, then grab hold o' your socks, Joel Robinson, and read on!

Tom: Okay, pick it up from measure 20, Cambot. (music)...Lovely intro, though. Very tasteful.

Crow: Thank you.

Tom: I like that. (singing) It's my way or the highway, this Christmas at my ba-ha-haar.

Crow: I'll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car!

Joel: I got the word that Santa has been stealing from the till.

Bots: I think that that right jolly old elf had better make out his will ohh!

All: Oh, let's have a Patrick Swayze Christmas, one and all.
And this can be the haziest...this can be the laziest...
This can be the Swayziest Christmas of them AAALLLLLLLLLL!"

Tom: La la la laa ha HAAA!

Crow: How long before it becomes a standard?

Joel: I think you gotta come with me. C'mon. (grabs Crow and exits)

Crow: Waaaaah!

Tom: We'll be right back. Save a leg for me! Heh heh heh!