Mike: "In the not too distant future
somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
are caught in an endless chase
Pursued by a woman whose name is Pearl
an evil gal who wants to rule the world
She threw a few things in her purse
And in her rocketship she hunts him
all across the universe.

Pearl: I'LL GET YOU!!!

I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).

Mike: Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.

Robot Roll Call:

Cambot! (You're on!)
Gypsy! (Oh, my stars!)
Tom Servo! (Check me out!)
Croooow! (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la-la-la),
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax..."
for Mystery Science Theater 3000!"