Mike: "In the not too distant future
somewhere in time and space
Mike Nelson and his robot pals
are caught in a nasty place
They have to survive the wrath of Pearl
just an evil gal who wants to rule the world
From her castle below, she sets her sights above
Just to torture all the captives
on the Satellite of Love
(shouted) GET ME DOWN!!!

Pearl: I'll send him cheesy movies,
The worst I can find (la-la-la).
He'll have to sit and watch them all,
And I'll monitor his mind (la-la-la).

Mike: Now keep in mind Mike can't control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
He'll try to keep his sanity
With the help of his robot friends.

Robot Roll Call:

Cambot! (You're on!)
Gypsy! (Oh, my stars!)
Tom Servo! (Check me out!)
Croooow! (I'm different!)

If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la-la-la),
Just repeat to yourself, "It's just a show,
I should really just relax..."
for Mystery Science Theater 3000!"