Right now I'm in a low spot in life. One of those places where you don't really care what happens or what you are doing. I am a college graduate. I will be working in a professional career in less than a year. I feel like I am my own enemy, and I am constantly fighting myself not to believe that. I have a therapist. That doesn't mean I'm psychotic or that I'm going to be like this for the rest of my life. It's 2001. I am at a point where I have to make a decision to live or die. I'm 22 years old. Invalidated in every aspect of my life besides therapy sessions. It's a raging cycle that my mind goes through to even consider my feelings. I am sad all the time...I can't sleep. Nightmares are worse than I ever would have imagined. My life is a two-sided play right now. I have to get things done to prove that I can, but when I am done, I might choose to prove that I don't have to. I have to be in control or I feel unsafe and vulnerable. I feel insecure and inadequate. I feel like dying.