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Phoebe's Song Book
Smelly Cat (Chorus) Smelly cat, smelly cat What are they feeding you? Smelly cat, smelly cat It's not your fault They won't take you to the vet You're obviously not their favourite pet You may not be a bed of roses And you're no friend to those with noses (Repeat Chorus) Cremated Mother And my mother's ashes Even her eyelashes Are resting in a little yellow jaaaaaaar But sometimes when it's breezy Or if I'm feeling sneezy Excuse me excuse me noisy boys ! Snowman I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin' How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen La-la-la-la-la-la-la... My Coma Guy You don't have to be awake to be my man As long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand. Though we just met the other day There's something I have got to say... Love Love is sweet as summer showers Love is a wondrous work of art But your love, your love, your love Is like a giant pigeon Crapping on my heart La la la la la la la... Crusty Old Man ...And the crusty old man said "I'll do what I can" And the rest of the rats played maracas Blackout New York City has no power And the milk is getting sour But to me that is not scary Cause I stay away from dairy La-la-la-la-la-la... They Found Their Bodies And they found their bodies the very next day They found their bodies the very next day... Babies They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why And you cry and you cry and you cry And you cry and you cry... Terry's a Jerk Terry's a jerk! And he won't let me work! And I hate Central Perk! (time passes by) And you're all invited to bite me! When I Play When I play I play for me I don't need your charity! Bi-sexuals Sometimes men love women And sometimes men love men Then they are bi-sexuals Though some might say they're kidding themselves La-la-la-la-la-la... DON'T There'll be times when you get older When you'll want to sleep with people Just to make them like you But DON'T Cause that's another thing that you don't wanna do That's another thing that you don't wanna do Grandma Now grandma's a person who everyone likes She bought you a train and a bright shiny bike But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner. Now your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru, But the truth is she died and someday you will too La-la-la-la-la... Barnyard animals Now the cow in the meadow goes Meww Now the cow in the meadow goes Meww And then the farmer hits'em on the head And grounds'em up and that's how we get hamburgers Now the chicken. Two of Them Kissed Last Night There was a girl we'll call her Betty And a guy let's call him Neil Now I can't stress this point too strongly This story isn't real. (time passes by) Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside? Will Betty be the one who he loves truly Or will it be the one who we'll call L-L-Lulie? He must decide, he must decide Even though I made him up he must decide In the Shower I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song Stop me if you've heard it My skin is soapy and my hair is wet And tegrin spelled backward is nirget. Lather, rinse, repeat Lather, rinse, repeat Lather, rinse, repeat (pause) As needed! Jingle Bitch Jingle bitch screwed me over Go to hell jingle whore Go to hell, go to hell, go to h-h-hell Holiday Song Went to the store --sat on Santa's lap. Asked him to buy my friends all kinds of crap. He said all I need is to write them a song.. They haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along.. So don't sing along! Monica, Monica, have a Happy Chanukah! Ran into Santa Clause, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey..Christmas will be snooowwwy!!! And Rachel and Chandler hahvsjdfdafdshfasdbdkandler! Little Fetus Are you in there little fetus? In nine months will you come greet us? I...will buy you some adidas. You don't wanna do song There'll be times when you get older, when you'll want to sleep with people, just to make them like you... But Don't! Cuz that's another thing that you don't want to do. Everyone! That's another thing, that you don't wanna do. When I play When I play I play for me. I don't need your charity! Thank you! Lalalalalalalala allalalalala la la la Sticky Shoes (with Leslie) My favorite shoes are so good to me. I wear them everyday. Down at the heels, holes in the toes. Don't care what people say. A feet's best friend, right to the end. With them I'm one hot chicky. Til late one night.. not much light, I stepped in something icky! Sticky shoes, sticky shoes. Always make me smile. Sticky shoes..sticky shoes, next time I'll avoid the pile! My Sticky Shoe My sticky shoe... My sticky, sticky shoe... Why you stick on me, ba-by. Crazy Underwear Crazy underwear creepin up my butt. Crazy underwear always in a rutt. Crazy underwear... |
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