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Spoilers - The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad
Tagline - Central Perk Rachel, Monica, Chandler and Phoebe are sitting in the Coffee House. Rachel tells Chandler that his horoscope says he'll get a special gift on the 5th, to which he thanks Monica. Then she says they'll have a lovers spat on the 12th, to which Monica replies that he will say something about the present. Then, Rachel says that on the 19th he'll get a secret admirer, to which Pheobe winks at him. Joey enters and Rachel shouts out that he's the star of "Mac & Cheese." He says something to the effect that he wasn't prepared for it (they filmed a few different jokes here), and Phoebe replies that he will do fine. Joey says that he's not comfortable around electronics (Cheese is a robot) and he can't even use Chandler's computer, except to look up Porn, because it's always there. That's when Monica says that there fight might come early this month. Scene 1: Central Perk Phoebe, Rachel, Chandler and Monica are sitting in the coffee house. Phoebe is looking at some books, and Chandler says she shouldn't judge them by their covers. She says she's deciding which one of the to use to write another book. Rachel asks if she's writing one because the last one was such a bestseller, and Phoebe replies that it was her 14th book. And the first 13, as they were read by herself, were all well accepted, but were burnt up in the fire (anyone know anything about this?) so she'll keep this one in an asbestos lined box far away from Rachel. Ross comes in, wanting to know what everyone was doing later. Phoebe says that her and Rachel had appointments to get haircuts, but that was just to find out what Ross had in mind first. Ross needs them all to help him meet with Elizabeth's father. Chandler said that he though Ross was elizabeth's father. "That's your only one!" says Ross. Then he said that her father didn't like him and why couldn't Ross find someone his own age to date, to which Rachel replied "What did she [Elizabeth] say to that?". Ross gave the same reply he gave Chandler. Then, they all agreed to help, to which Monica said she knows how hard Parent Teacher Conferences can be. Scene 2: Joey's new set on Mac & Cheese Joey is shown to his new office. He picks of the phone and says "Mac Machiavelli, Privite Eye." Then he looks at all of the books in his "office" and says "Wow, look at all the books I've read." He asks to see his Robot sidekick, and is lead out of the office, onto the back set. He is introduced to someone, and he touches the guy's face and says "Wow, he's so lifelike." He is told that that was just the designer, Wayne. Wayne brings in a robot (looks like the Short Circuit Robot) to which Joey is surprised. He said he was expecting someting like the Terminator. He says "What can this thing do?" Then, the robot hits him in the crotch. Scene 3: Central Perk Ross is waiting in Central Perk when Elizabeth and her Father (Bruce Willis) walk in. Ross addresses him as Paul, and he says he prefers Mr. Stevens from Elizabeth's boyfriends. He says he isn't happy with Ross, but Ross wants to win him over. Paul gives him 1 minute, and then he extends it to 2. Ross first puts his foot iin his mouth by saying that Elizabeth and he haven't done anything, but they had done some "stuff." Then, to ease the tension, he starts a joke about an Irishman who walks into a bar. Paul says that he is Irish, so Ross says that the "Irishman wins the Joke!" Then, Mon, Chan, and Ph walk in. Ph says that after seeing Paul, she can see where Elizabeth gets her rugged handsome looks. Mon asks if there is a Mrs. Stevens, to which Chandler says there is a "Mr. Bing." Paul says that his wife is dead. Ross sits them all down and tells them to discuss whatever they wanted. So, Mon says that she was surprisedto see Ross here, as he's usually in the Childrens Hospital, to which Ph says that he's not there looking for dates. Mon says she's Ross' sister. Paul says that his sister died. So, chan starts a story about Ross being his roommate, and then asks Paul if his roommate ever died, Paul says that part of him did. Then Rach runs in saying she's ready to talk up Ross. "When is Elizabeth's Father coming." Paul says he's already here. And she says that Ross is a Great Guy! Scene 4: Mon's Apartment Ph's writing in her book. Mon walks out of her room and asks how her boook is coming. She says she's on page 47. Mon is surprised, until Ph tells her she's just writing page numbers. Chan walks out of the bathroom. Many jokes were filmed. The funniest were "You guys have to see this one" and "Does anyone have a tape measure?" He's holding toilet paper, and asks Mon why she bought the one with a girl on the wrapper. She thought he wanted the girl, and he actually wanted the baby on the wrapper. Ph tells them to slow down, so Chan asks if she's writing all this down. Ph says she's writing a boook about Relationships, and what not to do. Both C and M say "What?" Ph adds to that "...but it doesn't matter if the two really love each other." M says that's sweet and kisses C. Then Ph says that people will belive anything as long as they think it's a compliment. Scene 5: Central Perk Paul walks back in as Rachel is sitting alone. He's looking for his keys. She offers one set she finds in the sofa, but it's got a Furby on the chain. Paul says those weren't his, but finds his under the side table. Rach gets up and says that Ross was a nice guy. Paul says that he's just protective, so Rach says that that's great too. She stares at him and says he looks too young to be a father of a 20 year old. He says "We were young when we got married and had Eliz." "We," replies Rachel, to which Paul says "Yeah, it takes two to..." So Rach laughs, but she asks if there was still a Mrs. Stevens. Paul say no, so Rach asks if he raised Eliz alone. Basically, this scene sets up the Chemistry between the two. Another take was taken, where after Rach says she thought Ross was a great guy, Paul says that she should date him then, so he wouldn't have to kill Ross. Scene 6: Mon's Apartment M walks in and said she got C's babies. He is surprised, and she says it was the TP. C is drawing on a pad, when M asks him what he's drawing. He says that he's drawing M, so she says he should draw a head and clothes. J walks in saying that the robot's giving him attitude. C gives a comic line here, and three were filmed. 1. I'm sure underneath his metal exterior is a...metal interior. 2. It's the year 2000, they're supposed to take over now. 3. (Can't remember the 3rd). J says that Wayne keeps getting Cheese to knock over the sandwich tables, and somethings got to change, because he's the star, and he's not going to eat sandwiches off the floor anymore. Then his cell rings. It's Estelle telling him she's got a part for him on the QT. There's the lead in a show called Mac & Cheese, and the start doesn't know he's being let go. Joey screams that he's the start, to which E replies "oops." Scene 7: Joey's Apartment. Ross walks in looking for J, but Rach and Paul are making out on the Sofa. So, he runs into the bedroom, but Rach tells him to come out. Paul also tells him. He comes out and says he didn't see Paul there. Paul says that he didn't see Ross with his daughter. That was changed in later takes to "I was the one tangled up with Rachel over there." Paul leaves, and Ross ask what happened (wha...wha...wha...how...how...wha...). Rach says he lost his keys and she helped him find them. "With your tongue?" asks Ross. Rach says that they talked for two hours and he's really nice. She invited him up for Coffee. Ross said that they were in a Coffee Shop. He says it's too wierd becaus he's dating Paul's daughter. Rach says it was wierd when Ross was seeing her sister, to which Ross said this was different. Now it's wierd for HIM. But Rach says it's a good thing cause she's got the inside track now. They can all go to dinner, and she can talk him up. She also says he's a successful lawyer, to which Ross said that had nothing to do with anything. She said it was VERY important. Scene 8: Mon's apartment. Joey says there are a million Macs, but only one guy who controls Cheese. How can Wayne get him fired. So, Mon says he can be charming. J says thanks, but he's got a problem to deal with. Chandler seems to agree with him. Mon calls them both dumbasses, and tells J to go kiss this guys ass. J says if he's got to kiss ass in the morning, he doesn't want to waste his charm on them now, but he's always got extra for Phoebe.So, he leaves, and chandler asks mon if she thinks J's more charmiing. She says yes, that's why she's sleeping with him on the side. Chan say "Yeah Right." They bith look at Ph who's writing down everything. They ask if she's still wirting about them, to which she says no, she's writing about Marcia and Chester. So, Mon picks up a pad of paper and say's she's writing about Phyllis. "Phyllis is sitting in a chair." Ph says she knows what they are doing. "Phyllis knows what we are doing." Ph says, in a monotonous voice "I have tasted my own medicine, and it is bitter." Scene 9: Back stage at Mac and Cheese. There were two takes, I'll give them both. 1. J walks in on Wayne and Cheese. He says hi, and that he was surprised because Cheese looked so lifelike. Wayne just walks away. J asks him to level with him, Is there any chance of keeping his job, as people are reading for his parts. Wayne says yeah...if the new guy is struck by lightning. J gets upset, but is perked up as a hot looking girl walks by. "How you doin'..." 2. J walks in on Wayne and Cheese. He asks how is Robot buddy is, and wayne tells him not to touch cheese. He asks if everything was on the level about the job because he's so happy to work with Cheese, at which he grabs Cheese's hand and it breaks off. He just walks away dejected, and the girl walks by. "How you doin'..." Scene 10: Restaurant. Rachel, Paul, Ross, and Elizabeth are sitting in a restaurant, and Rach is finishing the story about how Ross was going to take her to the Prom. E say's that it's a great story, to which P replies that even then, Ross, a college, man, wanted to go out with a HS student. So, Rach says she didn't think that story would backfire, and gets up to go to the restroom. Paul says that he's heard alot of nice things about ross from Rach, but he's overprotective because Eliz is like a 12 yr old to him. Ross says he feels the same way (gets his foot in his mouth). Then, he corrects himself that he has a son who is 6, but he still thinks of him as a baby. He says Carol and he are on good terms. Paul says he didn't know they were married. At this point Rach walks back, hearing the end of the conversation, and says that her marriage with Ross was only a drunken mistake. So Paul is surprised and asks if she and Ross were married, so she says "Oh, you were talking about Emily!" Scene 11: Restaurant. Rach says that she believes that Ross has learnt alot during his marriages. Paul asked if he learnt how to make one shorter than the previous. Rach say no, because technically, she was married to Ross longer than Emily, only Ross didn't tell her. So, she gets up to go to the bathroom again. Paul asks Ross if he killed any of his wives. Ross gets upset, finally, and said that he cares about Eliz. Paul asks if he's yelling, and Ross becomes timid again and says No. Eliz says that they care about each other, and she doesn't care what her father says, she's going out with Ross anyway. Ross say the same thing, only append it, meekly, with "Still not Yelling..." So, Paul finally agrees, but says he doesn't like Ross any better. Ross says he doen't even like himself now. So, Paul says they're both in agreement. He also says Ross isn't all bad. Ross smiles and askss if there was more, to which Eliz tells him to quit while he was ahead. Rach comes back with more pro-Ross stories, to which Ross replies that they were concentrating on not liking Ross right now. So, Rach says she's got alot of those stories too. Scene 12: Mon's apartment. Ph is sitting in the recliner, facing away from the door, hidden. C and M enter, with C saying they were supposed to meet at the Coffe Shop at 7. Mon says 6. So, Chan says that if he ever said 6, it was by saying the sentence "We're meeting at 7, not SIX!" Mon says the only way she said 7, was "My boyfriend's a wise ass! SEVEN!" The nPh spins around in the recliner. She says she knows when they were supposed to meet. But, she would only tell them if they apologized about the book. So, Chan says "I apologize about the book, the book is great, and you are the queen of everything." Ph's reply was "And so are you" to which C said "I knew I should never wear this color." (In another take all Ph said was alright, and I like how you threw the last part in.) So, Ph says (reading) "Marcia and Chester want to see a movie. M and C are not listening to each other. M thinks they are meeting at 6, and C thinks they are meeting at 7." So M was surprised that she knew but didn't tell them. Scene 13: Joey's Dressing Room. Chandler and Joey are there. J's packing a bag. Chan asks if there was anything he could do, and J said that C could help him get the minifridge out past the security guard. There's a knock at the door. J opens it and it's Wayne. Wayne asks if he could talk to J, and J says that he doesn't want to have anything to do with him, as Wayne's ruined his life. Then he intruduces C to W. Wayne said that he would help J keep his job if he does him a favor. J asks why he should help him, to which C whispers "For what he just said." W says that he saw J talking to the girl earlier, and he wants to learn how to do that. J says it's not something you learn but are born with, but C hits him and he adds that he could teach Wayne. Tagline: Joey's Office Set. J get's off the phone and tells Cheese that they've done it again (it's a shot from Mac and Cheese). So Cheese said something that I didn't understand, but J said he was right about the Rabbi's beard being horse hair. Then, it's quite and J whispers to CHeese "It's your line." Then Cheese starts going crazy, and you cut to Wayne kissing the hot girl, and rubbing her back with the remote control for Cheese, and cut back to Cheese tearing apart J's office desk |
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