Clueless Emails!

In fairness, most of these people are sincere, and fairly polite. Please note I'm not making fun of any of you... well OK I am just a tiny bit :). Email addresses have been modified to protect the guilty.

Clueless Cheaters, Copiers, Crooks
Clueless Music People (no, not SoylentRed!)
Clueless Installations
Not-So-Clueless

Clueless Cheaters, Copiers, Crooks

From: clueless@cs.com  

can u tell me how to copy CD's onto other CD's without buying expensive crap?

    No problem. Just buy a $1.00 blank CD-R from your local electronics store. Put it next to the CD you want to copy, shiny surface to shiny surface. Put these two CD's like this underneath your mattress, next to all the naughty magazines you hide from your mommy. Sleep on it for at least THREE nights, making sure the CD's don't get moved. That will work as well as any other technique that does not involve "expensive crap".

From: sameclueless@cs.com

what do u need to do to hack to play cheats online?

    A complete lack of moral, ethical and religious principles.

From: clueless@aol.com (wow amazing... there are clueless aol'ers?)

Hey do you have MAP HAC Starcraft pretty please could you send me!

    Um... why not write me and ask me if I will rob a bank for you? Map hack's (not HAC's) are morally wrong, and actually violate the terms of your Licensing Agreement. (Oh wait, you probably play the WareZ version). Anyone who reads my page and comes away with the impression that I have map hacks is pretty clueless.

Clueless Music People (no, not SoylentRed!)

From: clueless@gurlmail.com

hello, i visited your web page and that song thats playing.....i love that song. ive heard it before. whats the name of it and if you could please, please, please send me a normal mpg version i could download. thank you so much, Lestat

    Forgive me, I thought MIDI's were kind of "normal". I guess I'm not up on warez and all... I was on vacation at the time, using the internet via wireless microwave from the middle of the Carribean, but I agreed to send this individual the midi as soon as I got back, even though he could download it for himself. However, points for politeness!

When I get back, I see in my inbox...

From: differentcluelessaddress@gurlmail.com

hey ive been waiting and its been way over 2 weeks and im sad to see you havent sent it. well if you ever decide to could you send it to thirdemailaddressi'm using to communicate to you@hotmail.com if its not too much trouble cause i will no longer be using this name. thanx, Pandora

    I sigh, I appreciate the gratitude (sarcasm, gentle reader) and I wonder why this individual has 3 email addresses (even though he's only sent 2 emails to me) and has switched names from Lestat to Pandora.

From: clueless@aol.com (why am I not surprised?)

could you please e-mail me the songs on your webpage?thanx

    Well at least again the boy is polite. So I email him, and the person above, the songs (even though they could easily download them for themselves)... and I receive...

From: cluelessPandoraneLestat@hotmail.com

hey, thanx for the songs but you sent them in a form that does not work. i have winzip and all its just that when i click on the songs they dont play. so if you dont mind would you please send me a form of the songs that actually work. thanx.

    I grit my teeth. I'm appreciative of the politeness, but evidently the concept of MIDI's is too complex for this individiual. Does he seriously think I deliberately sent him (or accidentally for that matter) a version of the songs that don't "actually work" ? Does he think I care what computer problems he has? Does he think I am going to waste more time with this? I am though, I guess because he's polite. I sigh, I put up a link on my tools page to the songs and let him know it's there. This solves the problem.

Clueless Installations

From: clueless@aol.com (wow another clueless aol-er!) 15 Nov 1999

Hey Angel, um...You seem pretty good w/ the com. so...Here's my question...I recently got a SC game on a CD-R and it says that Data File error"Impotant file unreadable" or something like that. What the hell does this mean? The wierd thing is that Im able to play the spawn files but not the full retail version. This is seriously pissing me off. Whats wrong?The guy who sold it to me(off of ebay) told me that it worked fine. Am I doing something wrong or is it the disc...please respond...thanx. X-Cloud

    I'm glad to know I'm good with the "com". As for the rest of your message... maybe you mean impotent file unreadable? Perhaps the game doesn't like your spelling... or could it be... you bought a wareZ copy with no valid CD key?

From: clueless@home.com (wow not AOL!) 15 Dec 1999

I keep having installation problems. My Computer (Gateway 2000, 233 PII, 4.90 gigs left) cant install SC. It used to be able to but now my computer freezes up after installing StarDat.mpq. What should I do?

    Ummm... fdisk your harddrive, deleting all partitions, reformat a FAT32 partition of at least 8 GB, install newest version of Win 98 SP1, 2nd ed., then install StarCraft. If that doesn't work, it's probably a hardware problem. You did backup your files before formatting didn't you? What am I, a tech support service!? That'll be $250.00 by the way for my tech support service!

From: VERYCLUELESS@aol.com (big surprise!) Oct 3 1999

how can i play another person i cant figure it out ????

   Well, try reading the manual... or did you buy a WareZ version?

Not-So-Clueless

OK not really clueless, but I had to put it in to make fun of poor ferno!

From: "A Person" (clueless@emily.oit.umass.edu) Oct 21 1999

Alright tell me how long does a CD last?  I mean I have friends who have PlayStation CDs and they've had the PlayStation for like 2 years now and still can play the games...I also abuse the Brood War CD so much..only thing that could effect a CD is huge deep scratches..I mean it cant rot or get old can it?
-INFERNO

   ARGH! It's evil clueless ferno! Oh wait maybe this is Idle Ferno :) Yes, they can rot; it's called CD ROT aka oxidation.

Responses copyright 1999-2000 AngeLife.